Stuck

I think I need to get back into the obsessive blogging habit. It really helped me get stuff out before I got too hung up.

I feel like I'm in this suspended animation where there is nothing more of importance that I am doing here, but no hope of moving on.

I am now squatting in a visitor's space, my house is full of boxes, some of which contain the materials I need to fully finish my dissertation. I have a very unclear mandate from my committee on what I need to do to get their signatures. And the two who seem not to be ready to sign are not available. Nor do they seem willing to read my revisions.

How can I win?

Then I have no job, no idea where I'm going next. I feel like I have already screwed up in ways that I only barely understand: i.e. I'm already behind the curve for applications for fall 2007. 2007. And I don't know how to extract a viable job market paper and I don't know how to get the help I need. I don't even know if I want an academic job, but I can't think of anything else that appeals.

And I feel fat and undesirable and old.

So there.

More long time

So London has basically fallen through. The current option is for me to work on the project from a pharmaceutical company's offices (they are project sponsor) in New York, since complying with UK immigration law seems to be too difficult for RL to do.

I have been crying what feels like non-stop since I got the news. Which comes as a surprise, since I didn't realize I was counting on this as much as I apparantly was. Raises all sorts of psychological beasties.

On a more positive note, it appears that I am going to be offered an adjunct position in DC that I interviewed for, though perhaps I shouldn't count that egg yet either. Of course, part of the illuminating part of my reaction to the London news is that I don't really want to be in DC. Or be an adjunct.

I think I better stop here or else the waterworks will turn on again...