Definitely better

Today is going better. I now have LaTeX working on both machines (and I figured out how to do it myself). The math problems are slowly slowly getting solved, and I had the affirming experience of asking the two best econ math wizes for help and finding that they weren't sure how to do it either. And in the process of explaining the problem to them, we all agreed that it was a very interesting question and figured out what the important "take aways" were!

A wee bit of sunshine?

I am finally making some forward progress. LaTeX is now working fully on my PC, so I have one computer on which I can work. I have gotten rid of the ugliness that is XP and have a reasonable looking interface on my work computer now. Funny how that was sending me over the edge.

I am also making progress on the math, by using the formulas in my calculus text book for implicit derivatives that I always thought were silly busy-work when I first learned them. I am starting to get repeat answers that I am confident are correct.

Basically (and I know you are all hot and heavy for this), but my task is to find dMu/da with the function
F[Mu[a], Lambda[Mu[a],a],a]=0.
I was getting tripped up in my handling of lambda, but I think I have it all now...

Computer alive again

...but it now has horribly ugly XP on it, and all of my 3rd party software (i.e. everything I use) needs to be reloaded, and everything is very confusing.

Free-floating anxiety

Pretty much sums up my mood right now.

I also have started totally losing track of things: sentences, appointments, hours, etc.

Hard drive is dead

But their most recent back up was on the 11th. which isn't too bad, all things considered. Though some key equations were done post 11th.... But the real pain in the ass is that I will have to reload all my non-Microsoft software. Some of which I won't be able to do, since it requires FJ's disks, which are now in Vancouver with FJ...

But the big stuff is LaTeX and OpenOffice. Given that I am doing all of the same stuff on my new Mac, I might as well just not bother once the files are transferred to my own machine. I managed to download LaTeX (though it took a couple of hours) but it is finding bugs that didn't exist in my old compiler, so I get to waste a lot of hours figuring out what files and stuff I need to download to make it all work.

Loverly.

Still more grrr

So the computer guy said he would know the extent of the problem in about half an hour. It has been an hour and still no word.

Monday morning grrr

So my work computer is officially on life support, and I am doing the computer equivalent of the waiting room pacing to see what they can recover. I am so glad I have been emailing myself my dissertation! I will step up such informal backup activities here forward.

I am trying not to thnk too hard about what it means if the diagnosis is bad.

On other fronts, I am feeling really bad. I have this sense of ill-defined dread that I don't know what to do with. It started when I realzed I missed my OB/GYN appointment on Friday--I had thought it was some time this week. It isn't a big deal, but ever since I realized I dropped that ball I have been feeling awfully close to tears (and even slipping over into tears for real last night for no good reason).

I think it also has to do with finishing up stuff on my dissertation. I spent all day yesterday working on the bloody comparative statics question ET wants me to answer, and I think I have everything right and boiled down as far as it will go, but it is still incredibly complicated and meaningless. But I think I have been spending way too much time inside my own head. Even when that means that I am just doing algebraic manipulations for 8 hours straight, it still isn't a good thing.

VS has a new promising relationship and hearing about it makes me realize how untenable my life has gotten in this suspended animation before I leave LA and start living for real again. I wish I were better at ignoring that I am about to leave, but my logical brain just won't shut up...

One problem with this computer is that its key board is stiffer than what I am used to, so I keep missing letters....