Welcome back optimism

One of my major life challenges is learning how to ask for help when I need it. For deep-seated reasons, I expect to be yelled at when I ask for help, so in anticipation, it is incredibly stressful and I tend to come up with reasons to not bother asking.

But when I finally do, I feel so much better. Even when I don't actually get any help. I asked a number of people for help yesterday (not as many as I should, but one step at a time), particularly in regards to my job search. And as a result, I may get some help, I may not, but I at least feel less stuck.

And getting on with my life feels great. I am working on a few projects unrelated to my dissertation and I am actually working on them. And I'll get paid (or not, the school is taking all of my wages as the moment to pay off some debt, but that is okay). And one of the projects in particular is really stimulating. I think I'll blog about it some more later, but I am going to post this and try to call ET...

Tuesday 10:03

So I sent some initial crap to ET yesterday. I'll call him later today to try to prod some reaction.

I left my wallet at home today and I am feeling aimless, so I think I'll go get it, rather than try to get anything done this morning.

I'm really tired of all this.

Blah

So things are going better than they were last week, but they aren't actually good. I am making progress on the math stuff, but slow, like wading through treacle. And it gives me headaches when I spend all day doing this stuff with no end in sight (or, barely in sight in a hard-to-believe sort of way.)

I have lost all elation that came with getting the 3 out of 4 signatures. Now it is all about the last one. And then, of course, the only thing I have to look forward to is the trauma of the job market.

Not to mention moving and shit like that.